The Adventures of Night Spider and Water Possum

Y'know, for an apartment in the city this place of Mike's (and mine) has an awful lot of wildlife. Animals are all over the place. And I don't mean the cute type of animals that are around my parents' house in the country, either...these animals are menacing.

Outside our front door are two spiders that are somewhat unique in that they only come out at night. I have no idea where they live during the day which kind of freaks me out, but I do know where they sit after dark. One lives below a mailbox, and the other has its web strung across our front window. I've taken to watching it at night, monitoring it, really, and I swear it's getting bigger. Mike says they puff up right before they die, but I think he's telling me fibs.

Now, I hate spiders. I hate them so much. And normally Mike is my willing spider assassin, but this time he seems reluctant to squish the things. I'm not sure if he's genuinely attached to the spiders or if he thinks I'll just get over my aversion if I can get used to them, but either way he hasn't offed them yet. He's even gone and named them. Peter and Paul. I've decided to just not go in or out the front door after dark.

Normally that wouldn't be a huge deal since we have a back door to our apartment too, but I don't want to use that door either because of the water possum.

To be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure that it's a possum out there. I just know that a couple of weeks ago something fell into our rain-filled trash can and drowned, and is now floating there, face-down. I saw it once and since it was gray and vaguely the right size, I figured it was a possum. It could be anything though...it could be a stuffed animal, or a huge rat, or a bad toupee, or a terrier. I suppose we'll discover what it is when the trash can gets dumped out. And, to be completely honest again, I don't think that's a discovery we as tenants should have to make. This is why God created landlords. Mike, however, feels that since our landlord lives in another state he shouldn't be called about this, especially when Mike can take care of it himself.

Mike has formulated two plans to deal with the water possum:

1. Put on gloves and one of the gas masks*, carry the trash can into the river, and dump it out there

2. Dig a big hole, dump the contents into the hole, let the water seep into the dirt, and then shovel the dirt over what's left - the water possum

Neither of the plans is foolproof, though, so Mike's going to keep thinking. Whatever he comes up with, I want to help him, since it is such an unpleasant task. Unfortunately I'm very squeamish, so the only help I can be counted on to give is standing back from the thing and saying "Ew!" over and over.

I'm telling you people, it's a jungle out there.




* Yes, we have more than one gas mask around here