Making Friends

Mike has expressed the desire for me to actually exit the apartment and make friends.

Actually, I shouldn’t pin it all on him. I’ve been bitching quite a bit about not knowing anybody in the city, and last night he gently suggested that if it bothers me so much, I should start taking steps to meet people. I began getting stubborn almost immediately. What would he know about it, I thought. He’s lived in Milwaukee County his entire life. He’s never had to move to a strange city and start all over. He’s had most of his friends for years. He doesn’t understand.

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he had a point. My friends are awesome and I love them, but my nearest friend lives about 45 minutes away and my family lives even farther. I definitely missed having someone local to hang around with. Plus it wasn’t unreasonable to expect me to make a few acquaintances around Milwaukee.

But how? Have any of you tried to make friends as a non-college-student adult? It’s impossible! Especially when you have no hobbies, no friendly neighbors, no time to take classes, a volunteering position that really doesn’t provide social interaction, and a job in another state. I’ve become convinced that people have children just so they can talk to someone other than their spouse from time to time.

So last night I was perusing meetup.com in hopes of finding a group I could hook up with. Even if I didn’t make any good friends it would at least get me out of the house every once in awhile. Unfortunately it was not a productive plan.

Let’s see…Southeastern Wisconsin Paranormal group? Nah, we’d probably just sit in someone’s basement watching X-Files reruns. Big Beautiful Women group? No, I get told all day by the media that I’m not thin enough, it’ll just confuse me if another group turns me down for not being curvy enough. Crossdresser and Transvestite group? No, I don’t want to be in a group where everyone is prettier than me. Vegan group? No, I love the meat, I can’t cut myself off. I wonder if I could be a spy for the Democratic Meet-up group and infiltrate the Republican Meet-up group? Nah, my life is complicated enough already. Animal Rights? No, they may get angry when they find out I’m holding four cats prisoner.

I brightened when I saw a group for Furries. I know a lot about Furry! I thought. I bet I could fake it! Then I realized that I was about to start being a poser for the sake of hanging out with furries. Where has my life gone? <>

In the end I just gave it up and decided to try something else. Like having imaginary friends.

Oh, just kidding. I won’t resort to that unless I find out I can’t have kids.