Snafu
Mike's extended family has three traits that have been tying me up in knots lately:
1. They're strangely concerned with tiny rules of etiquitte and aren't afraid to let you know you've broken one
2. They turn a small etiquitte mistake into a big deal
3. They hold grudges
Already Mike and I have run afoul of one of his aunts, twice. The first time was when she arrived late to my shower, and got very upset when neither Mike nor his parents stopped what they were doing to introduce me to her. The second time was more recently.
We wanted Mike's cousin, the aunt's son, to be an usher. So Mike's mom called his aunt first to make sure it was okay for the cousin to be in the wedding, and after she said yes Mike's mom talked to the cousin. Of course the cousin said yes, was fitted for a tux, and everything was cool.
Well, not really. Because Mike's aunt was mad that we breached etiquitte and asked her permission first before asking the cousin. She said we should have talked to the cousin first, and then her.
Now, to me, what Mike's mom did was courteous. After all, the kid is in his early teens and it'll be his mom that pays for everything. If the situation was reversed, I'd like to be asked just so I could decide if I could afford it before the kid gets excited about it.
Maybe I'm wrong. What do you all think?
I don't even want to think about what everyone's going to say when they get my invitations.
posted by Danulai @ 10:45 AM
6 Comments:
oh man, Family, the ties that strangle!
Makes me so glad that my husbands family lives on the other side of the country and that we didn't tell them we got married, cuz they're mormons and would have had a litter of kittens over the fact that we had our post-wedding-lunch in a bar, a dog-friendly bar at that.
Hang in there, and look out.
hugs
Calling the mom first was perfectly acceptable and definitely courteous. Some people LOOK for a way to be offended/injured in every sitation.
I have a strong suspicion that if she had called the teen first, getting him excited thus commiting his parents to the cost of a tux before he had permission, you would have gotten in even MORE trouble.
Sometimes you just have to choose the lesser of two evils. In this case, I think you did.
to be honest, it sounds a whole lot like that aunt has a screw loose somewhere. she was rude enough to turn up late to your shower, but is mad that she wasn't suddenly made the centre of attention by getting an introduction to you mid-way...then she's pissed because you did things the proper way by asking her first about the usher thing.
i really think that no matter what was done, it would've been wrong. asking the newphew could have raised his hopes, and what if she didn't want him in the wedding? then you'd be put in the position of having set up false hopes in a boy.
every family has their nuts. sometimes they're nuttier than others. mine are an adventure and a half, but i mostly ignore them so it all works out :)
Everyone's family has someone like that. In my family, he's the one we always make sure is sitting as far as possible from whoever new we're bringing to meet the family. The only reason he's included at all any more is because it's less paainful than the backlash we'd see if we excluded him. Believe it or not, it's easier to deal with the BS than to shoo him away.
It sounds like your aunt-in-law is going to be the one in your family. Watch yourself, it sounds like she's always going to make things about her, and do whatever she can to make sure that she always comes out on top.
Here's my advice:
1. Grow a thick skin and remember It's NEVER about YOU.
2. Smile and NOD. A lot
3. Then do whatever the HELL you want. You can't make everyone in your life happy ALL the Damned TIME!
This 'Celebration' is about YOU and MIKE. Enjoy it. Make it a point to take time in the process to share all that you feel and don't let the 'stress' get to you -- remember the REASON for the Festivities... the love YOU share.
Of course, this is just my opinion and can be overturned at any moment. ;)
I agree with you - the mom would have to pay for it, so it would make sense to ask for her permission first.
Some people just have to create more drama than necessary.
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