The new diet

I am on a diet again. This is because I'm on a mission to look better than all of Mike's friends' girlfriends, so I figured I should either buy some new clothes or lose ten pounds. I was all set with the Visa card when, unfortunately, my doctor informed me that losing ten pounds would be far better for me than a couple of new sweaters. So here I am.

This is only the third time in my life that I've dieted, but the routine is familiar. I went grocery shopping on Tuesday night with Mike and I bought all my new stuff. I'm following the Special K diet, which means I had to get some Special K cereal, skim milk, meal bars, snack bars, and one bottle of protein water to try. With the various boxes I also got a new feeling of hope. How could I fail with a plan so attractively pre-packaged?

I figured that the routine would fit into my life easily. It asks you to replace one meal with a meal bar (which is easy, as I usually eat granola bars or candy bars for breakfast anyway), one meal with Special K, skim milk, and fruit (that's lunch), two snack bars as snacks, and then a normal dinner. Throughout the day you can drink some protein water and eat some fruit if you're still hungry. I was pleased because I could still cook and eat the same food that Mike would be eating at the end of the day. Also, this seemed like something I could keep up. Awesome!

Unfortunately, I had chosen a bad day to start my diet. It was a Wednesday, which meant that rather than seeing kids for therapy it was the one day where I'd spend most of my time doing paperwork and sitting at my desk. Which, incidentally, is where my lunch bag is. By 9:15 AM I'd already eaten my meal bar and snack bars, and most of my protein water was gone. By 11 AM everything was gone except for the cereal, and that was only because my milk was in the refrigerator in the teachers' lounge, which is halfway across the school. When I had my lunch break at noon I went to McDonald's, because I was still hungry.

"I'm starving!" I wailed to Nicole, one of the teachers.

"You're not starving, not really," she said.

"It's malnourishment!" I said dramatically. "I'll probably pass out and die!"

I recovered by eating cereal for dinner, thereby sticking to the plan, but I don't think that the creators of the diet really thought that your "normal" meal would consist of chicken tenders and fries.

I'm doing better today...it's my lunch period as I type this, and I ate my cereal, milk, and fruit, and had my various bars for breakfast. I have one apple left as an afternoon snack. I have water to drink and a spaghetti dinner to look forward to tonight.

Well, I'll look forward to it if I don't pass out and die. It's malnourishment, you know.