Losing Weight

Last night I was stomping around complaining about how I wasn't losing weight.

"You need to weigh yourself in the morning," Mike pointed out. "Everyone puts on water weight over the course of the day."

"I do," I said grouchily. "And I've still lost barely anything."

"Maybe you're pregnant," Mike said. "Here, let me see." He pulled me over to where he was sitting and planted his ear squarely below my sternum. I was going to point out that I wasn't going to grow a baby in my ribcage, but I didn't want to interrupt his listening.

"Do you hear anything?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. But real quiet, like it's small."

"Right," I said, breaking away. "I know I'm not pregnant, I'm just pudgy."

Later that evening while Mike was reading I asked, "Hey, if I was pregnant, I could eat what I wanted, right?"

"Sure," Mike said, glancing up.

"So if I took a pregnancy test, then I could eat a burger?" I asked.

"You'd have to pass the pregnancy test," Mike said.

"I could really go for a burger," I murmured.

The only thing wrong with that plan is that I'd have to lose even more weight after the kid was born.

I guess it's back to protien bars and low-cal lemonade.