Addressing
I saw a question in Dear Abby’s column the other day about addressing formal correspondence to married couples. If the woman is a doctor and the man is not, then it’s addressed as Mr. Joe and Dr. Helen Smith. If it’s the reverse, it’s Dr. and Mrs. Joe Smith. Otherwise, it’s Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith.
This irritates me because apparently the only way to get my name onto my own addresses is to get a PhD. Meanwhile Mike gets his name on there just by virtue of having a Y chromosome.
I guess I’m hard to please when it comes to things being addressed to me. Most of the mail that comes to both me and Mike is addressed as “Mike and Christine Blind.” That’s fine. One of my friends who knows about my pet peeve sent me a Christmas card addressed to “Mrs. & Mr. Christine Blind,” which made me laugh. Shortly after my marriage my mom mailed me something and addressed to “Mrs. Blind.” I called her up and said that since we’ve known each other for over 26 years now it would be okay for her to be on a first-name basis with me.
But the formal invites…ugh. I’ve always hated those. When I was single I’d getting wedding invitations addressed to “Miss Christine Jones.” Even when I was in my twenties. That bugged me because I had already graduated to “Ms.” on all my professional documents. “Miss” seems so…elementary school. On wedding invitations I also felt like it was a personal slight, like it emphasized that they were getting married and I wasn’t. It seemed akin to writing, “Christine Jones and guest (don’t worry, you’ll find one someday, dear, there are plenty of fish in the sea).”
Now I have to tag behind Mike on all our formal letters. Even on the invitation we recently got to my cousin’s wedding it was Mr. & Mrs. Michael Blind. It wasn’t even his cousin. He had barely even met her! And yet, his name was first.
I do understand that on formal invitations you just follow formal rules, so I don’t get offended at individuals who send me letters. I’m annoyed at the norms we all follow. Maybe I’ll start a letter-writing campaign to get people to change the rules. I’ll start with Ms. Dear Abby.
This irritates me because apparently the only way to get my name onto my own addresses is to get a PhD. Meanwhile Mike gets his name on there just by virtue of having a Y chromosome.
I guess I’m hard to please when it comes to things being addressed to me. Most of the mail that comes to both me and Mike is addressed as “Mike and Christine Blind.” That’s fine. One of my friends who knows about my pet peeve sent me a Christmas card addressed to “Mrs. & Mr. Christine Blind,” which made me laugh. Shortly after my marriage my mom mailed me something and addressed to “Mrs. Blind.” I called her up and said that since we’ve known each other for over 26 years now it would be okay for her to be on a first-name basis with me.
But the formal invites…ugh. I’ve always hated those. When I was single I’d getting wedding invitations addressed to “Miss Christine Jones.” Even when I was in my twenties. That bugged me because I had already graduated to “Ms.” on all my professional documents. “Miss” seems so…elementary school. On wedding invitations I also felt like it was a personal slight, like it emphasized that they were getting married and I wasn’t. It seemed akin to writing, “Christine Jones and guest (don’t worry, you’ll find one someday, dear, there are plenty of fish in the sea).”
Now I have to tag behind Mike on all our formal letters. Even on the invitation we recently got to my cousin’s wedding it was Mr. & Mrs. Michael Blind. It wasn’t even his cousin. He had barely even met her! And yet, his name was first.
I do understand that on formal invitations you just follow formal rules, so I don’t get offended at individuals who send me letters. I’m annoyed at the norms we all follow. Maybe I’ll start a letter-writing campaign to get people to change the rules. I’ll start with Ms. Dear Abby.
posted by Danulai at
7:39 PM
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4 Comments:
Just change the rules for yourself; the hell with the rest of them. I've never understood the designation of Mr., Mrs. Ms. or Miss. Men get the Mr. regardless of their marital status. As you can tell you have hit a nerve with me. I totally agree with you.
By
country girl, At
8:15 PM
when bran and i were married my sister insisted, when we were asked preference (i didn't care i was too freaky nervous about tripping with my wedding dress on) that we were to be bran and dykwife hislastname.
however, when a couple of friends of ours got married, he took her last name. his family is having "issues" adjusting to that.
i think that using the male's name is disrespectful now. i don't care about formality and etiquette. i think it's plain rude. mr and mrs blind should be more than adequate, especially for someone who's sending a wedding invitation. i mean, if they're sending an invitation they must at least like you.
bran insists that i'm ms as a professional. i'm still getting used to boy's friends calling mrs. hislastname. weird!
By
dykewife, At
12:34 AM
Oh yes, a woman will always be defined by her relationship with a man. I've never understood that 'Mrs. Joe Smith' thing either. It sounds so 1950's and it is strange that people still do that. I would never in a million years think to address an envelope or letter to a 'Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith.' Dear Abby is old anyway. She's just spreading around outdated crap. haha.
(BTW, I'm a Jones too. Maybe we are related somehow. hahahaha. You, me, and 12 billion others.)
By
kite, At
9:30 AM
K and I are in complete agreement on this one...that formal addressing crap is a holdover from when women were married off as poessessions and things like a dowry were required.
It's bulls*it. To hell with it.
When you get out invitation, it'll be to Christine and Mike. K and I decided that the order of the couples names would be based on who we knew better. It works out nicely for us. and hopefully for you.
By
dpaton, At
7:54 AM
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