Oh, paranoia again

I have a little extra money this month.

Actually, that's not true. I have as much extra money as usual. But after the Holiday Spendstravaganza that is November and December I'd forgotten what it's like to pay my bills, feed my savings account, and still have money left over for me. It's weird.

Anyway, we're getting serious now about preparing for Philo's arrival. Mike is cleaning out his office a little more each day and I made a list of everything we need to register for. Last night Mike was lamenting that our baby showers are in April, so that doesn't leave much time to get the things that don't get purchased from the registry. So it makes sense to start looking around right now and buying some of the things we'll need immediately.

So. Back to my money situation. I should really take advantage of this and buy one of the pricier things I need to buy - my sets of cloth diapers. I really want to give cloth diapers a shot because they're so much cheaper and so much better for the environment than disposables. Plus I've read that cloth diapering can lead to the child becoming potty trained earlier. That's a plus. I know it'll be a pain, especially at first since our on-premises washing machine doesn't work, but it'll be worth it in the long run. It is a significant financial outlay though, over two hundred dollars. And...I haven't felt Philo move today.

I know, I know, babies don't just suddenly die in there, and at this point the chances are overwhelming that I'll bring home a live baby in another twenty weeks. A disabled baby, perhaps, but a baby that's still alive and quite capable of filling diapers. So we should buy some. I also know that you don't feel movement consistently in the fifth month, that you can go days without feeling anything, that the baby is still quite small and if he's turned around and punching my intestines I probably won't feel it. I know for a fact he moves without me feeling because he rotated around 90 degrees (from a transverse position to being head-down) during the ultrasound and I didn't feel a thing. I know, I know, I know.

But the movements I do feel are so tiny. Seriously, a tiny bump or a slight tickle*. And they don't occur all the time. I thought I'd feel reassured by his movement, but it just seems so tiny that half the time I'm not even positive it's him.

I told my mom this, and her solution was just to be patient for a few more weeks. She told me that then he'd be stronger and I'd feel him moving for sure. To stop paying attention and trying to interpret every sensation. To just assume he was okay.

Assume he's okay? Just because every test has come back normal and every exam shows that things are fine and the statistics are on my side? Psht.

We should start getting ready, though. Maybe I'll start smaller, like buying a box of wipes.





* These tickles still irritate me a lot, though, since I'm really ticklish