Ramblings

Last weekend I was wasting some time in the craft store while we waited for Mike's parents to get to the next door Home Depot to meet us and I found some beads. It's been a long, long time since I've made anything but that night I took them home and made this.


I like it. I don't do projects anymore because most of the things I do are things that can be interrupted - reading, answering email, things like that. Taking an hour to do something that can't be interrupted seems selfish and, seeing as how we have so much to do around the house, frivolous. But I'm glad I did.

This house is seeming more and more like home. There are still boxes everywhere, but we're settling in. Every evening Mike, P and I take a walk around our neighborhood, trying to go in different directions each time. I realized how much I had missed that when we lived in our apartment. In that city there had been nowhere to walk to and no sidewalks to walk on, so there was no point. Now we just revel in being able to walk places and be a part of the city again.

Things have been good, but lately I've been having pangs of profound loneliness. I think that I've been waiting to long to find a place to set down roots that now that I'm here, I'm having trouble socializing. Before I met Mike I had to go out and interact with new people on a regular basis so I could date, but after we began dating our social circle shrank rapidly down to just the two of us. I have friends that I keep in contact with and see occasionally, but 90% of my time is spent just with Mike. I've become kind of a hermit. And yet the idea of going out and talking to new people makes me so anxious. I suppose that eventually I'll reach a point where the loneliness is worse than the anxiety and I'll go meet people, but I don't know when that will happen.

I think I found a playgroup for P. I'll take him there next week. It'll be practice for both of us.