September Showers

Yesterday I had my second shower, this time for my family instead of Mike's. It was pretty fun and Mike and I got some sorely-needed items, such as salt-and-pepper shakers*. It's weird to think that I've been living on my own for so long and never managed to acquire cake pans or a napkin holder.

However, when I got home I talked online with my friend Alec, who is beginning to contemplate his own rather nontraditional wedding. He and his girlfriend intend to do away with many of the marital frills, including a big reception and bridal showers. He asked why on earth people felt the need to have gifts at showers and then gifts at weddings too, and implied that I was being kind of selfish. And then he finished by saying that it wasn't his place to rain on anybody's day, so he was happy for me. Which, actually, is somewhat like telling a girl, "Damn, that dress looks trampy. Seriously, do you want your boyfriend to respect you at all? But it's not my place to question anybody's sexuality, so have fun on your date." I guess that remark coupled with other people's criticizm has made me want to sit my premenstrual hormonal self at the computer to defend my decision to have a shower.

Actually, it wasn't my decision. I don't really enjoy showers. Bridal, baby, it doesn't matter, I don't like attending them and I've come to discover that I don't like being the guest of honor either. The games are dull, the talk is forced, and the fact that only women attend always makes me feel like I'm supposed to be experiencing some kind of gender-related kinship that I just can't seem to muster. However, my mom didn't have the chance to throw a big family shower when my sister got married and Mike's mom didn't have the chance to throw one when Mike's brother got married, so both of them eagerly pounced on the opportunity. The decisions were made even before I could tell my sister to let everyone know that I'd rather avoid the whole shower thing.

Once things were set up, though, Mike and I tried to be fairly practical in our registry choices. Lots of cookware and bakeware since I had little and Mike had none, household items that both of us were doing without. I was careful not to use the opportunity to upgrade everything we already owned unless the things we had were wearing out, like my flimsy plastic mixing bowl, or our gradually-warping Ikea silverware. We were pretty good.

But I guess that despite the necessity or practicality of the registry, the justification for the gift giving varies depending on who you ask. Some people point out that it goes back to when women were creating a household from scratch and needed so many items to get going, while other people say that the shower is meant to provide for the house while the wedding gifts are meant to sort of reimburse the couple for the money they spent on the reception dinner. I think that after spending hundreds of dollars over the years on my friends' and cousins' bridal and baby showers it's perfectly fine for them to return the favor if they like when it's my turn. If they don't want to and don't come, that's cool too.

The funny thing is, just like most aspects of this wedding, people disagree no matter what decisions are made. Some of my friends, mostly male, agree with Alec that it's exorbitant to have both showers and gifts at the wedding. And other friends were taken aback that I didn't invite them to both of the showers, even though I pointed out that I was trying to spare them an extra gift and a squandered Saturday afternoon. When I suggested charity donations instead of gifts, someone told me what a giant faux pas that was.

Ah well. In six weeks Mike and I will be wed, and people will stop criticizing my wedding. I'm sure everyone will be too busy criticizing my marriage instead.





* I actually had an old pair of shakers, but I couldn't figure out how to fill either of them. Maybe the tops were originally supposed to screw off, but became corroded and stuck. I'm not sure.

Ugh

Work has been kicking my ass lately. Between the stress, the commute, and caring for Dreamer my nerves have been pretty much shot.

Thank goodness it's going to be a long weekend. I couldn't handle another full five days of this.

The New Arrival

Today Nicole called me on my cell phone while I was at work. Her mom was going to get the cat today, and she wanted to give it to me after school.

I guess I wasn't really expecting to actually get the cat when it was offered to me. I had hoped that someone else would get attached to it and keep it. Not so. I was going to be heading up to Wisconsin with a cat on my backseat.

I was dreading it for two reasons. Number one, my plan of surrendering the cat to the Wisconsin Humane Society wasn't going to work. Because Dreamer - yeah, the cat's name is Dreamer - was technically a stray she had to be given to the Milwaukee County animal control center. After that, who knows where she'd go. She might end up at the ultra-nice, no-kill Wisconsin Humane Society, or she might go somewhere else. Somewhere not so great.

My second reason for dread was Mike. Mike is much more of a softie than I am. I was determined to find a home for Dreamer, but Mike was certain he'd already found one - ours. When we talked about it last night he told me, "I would not be against keeping the cat if he's adorable." Which, apparently, she is.

We cannot become a five-cat household. We just can't. If we had a house, maybe. But in our apartment, no way.

We still have a few courses of action. I'll ask Mike to post a picture of Dreamer on his LiveJournal to see if any of his friends could take in a cat. I'll make a flyer to post at work and at the vet's office. I'll call the no-kill shelter where I got my cats. I'll ask my sister and my mom to call around and see if anyone could take her in.

If anyone wants a cat, let me know!

The Cat Lady

Today my friend Nicole called me asking for a favor. Her aunt's neighbor abandoned her cat and someone needs to take it in. Nicole can't take it because her cat hates other cats, and her aunt can't keep it. She was wondering if I could take it.

Now, I already have four cats. And that's a hell of a lot of cats. At least I have a reason, though - Mike and I each had two cats when we got engaged, and it's not like you can get rid of any of them, so now we have four. But man, I can't bring in a fifth. That pushes me right into crazy cat lady territory. Unfortunately none of the shelters in Illinois where Nicole lives will take the cat so she called me.

I agreed to take it in, but only until I could find a shelter to take it. It took willpower with Nicole on the phone telling me how adorable it was and Mike giving me his puppy-eyed-can-we-keep-it look. I phoned the Wisconin Humane Society and found out that they had enough room for the little guy. WHS is a no-kill organization, but if the cat is as adorable as Nicole claims he won't have a problem getting a home.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting a reputation as the cat lady. Not the crazy cat lady...that's the woman who crams 30 cats into her house until the department of health shuts her down. The cat lady is different...the woman who will always foster a stray, who sets out bowls for the local cats, who has a soft spot for anything that mews.

Yeah. I have a hunch I'm getting there.