Divorce

I had known that something was wrong in Mike’s and my relationship for awhile now. I had gone ahead with the wedding anyway, just chalking the tension up to pre-wedding stress. But in the days and weeks after the wedding things hadn’t gone any better, and even though I tried to fix things nothing worked.

Things came to a head when I visited a friend of mine in the hospital. When I got done visiting I found Mike in the cafeteria waiting for me and talking to a pink-haired indie rock girl. Flirting with her.

I stomped up to him. “So I suppose I was right in assuming that things were strained between us,” I said angrily.

He turned to me briefly. “I guess you were,” he said before turning back to her.

I pulled him away. “So, what,” I said. “What do we do?”

He pulled his arm out of my grasp. “I think we should just end it,” he said. “We just didn’t date long enough. Let’s just end it now before we get in deeper.”

I was shocked. I had expected him to want to work at things, to at least try. I wasn’t expecting a divorce.

That afternoon I took a long walk around Milwaukee to clear my head. In such a short time our lives had become so intertwined. I wouldn’t have a place to live anymore…the apartment was his before I’d moved in. My name wasn’t even on the lease. But where should I live? I worked in Illinois, but did I want to move back there? I wanted to get a job in Milwaukee next year, so maybe I should just stay there…but did I really want to live in the same city as him?

And what about the cats? He would keep Lucky and Edison, and I’d keep Rusty and Cider, but what about Juneau, the cat we adopted together? Sure, I’d gotten her, but he was much more attached to her.

And the rings…oh gosh. I quickly removed them and looked at them. I decided to hang onto the engagement ring since I’d paid for it. I’d sell it later. His parents had given me my wedding band, so they’d probably want it back. I put the engagement ring on my right hand and slipped my wedding band into my pocket.

And, of course, there would be the job of telling everyone that we’d broken up, not even a month after the wedding. I’d have to change my email, change my address.

As I walked back I mulled over whether he’d be willing to pursue an annulment, and whether I could get one without him.

That night I drove to my parents’ house to spend the night. I opened my mouth to shout hello to my parents.

But instead I woke up.

I sat up in bed, confused at first. I was in our green-walled bedroom instead of my parents’ beige house. I glanced down at my hand and saw my rings. Mike wasn’t in bed, and for a moment I felt sick, but then I remembered…he had gone to Minneapolis the night before to play a show.

It was okay. It was a dream.

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes to wipe away the last remnants of sleep. Soon after I got up Mike called to tell me that he was on his way back to Milwaukee.

Before he got home I cleaned the apartment. I wore a nice sweater instead of a sweatsuit. I wasn’t afraid of losing him, really. And although some people may say that the dream indicated that I was insecure in our relationship, I doubt that’s the case, and it’s definitely not why I was making more of an effort. It was more that the dream made me realize how much I appreciated him and relied on him.

I’m glad I was just dreaming.

Whitney Music Box

I don't really understand the Whitney Music Box. But I can't deny that it's kind of fascinating. And soothing.

Go check it out!

Edison Video

For some reason, I find this hilarious. Edison is learning to pluck the strings just like Mike! Well, except that Mike doesn't use his mouth.

I love you America, but fuck you Wisconsin!

The election results brought me mixed feelings. I'm elated that the Democrats have taken control of the House, and are just about even in the Senate. I'm happy that Wisconsin re-elected a Democratic governor, and that the entire election culminated in Rumsfeld resigning (Bush says that it was a long-planned move, but that sounds like fibs to me).

Locally, two elections that I really had my heart on didn't go the way I wanted. Voters elected to amend Wisconsin's constitution to specify that a marriage is a union between a man and a woman, and that no other partnership would ever be recognized. This wasn't an amendment saying, "Oh, let's let gay couples marry." It was an amendment saying, "Let's never let them have any kind of partnership. Ever." So gay marriage wasn't legal here before, but now it's explicitly illegal.

It makes me feel sick. The only reason someone would vote this way is out of ignorance or hatred. Civil unions never hurt anybody, never threatened families. I know that some conservatives think that civil unions would mean the unraveling of the American family. I'd love some of them to come to my school and meet my students...then they'd know what unraveled families are. If I had the chance to move my students from their neglectful single-parent households, their abusive two-parent households, or their life of traveling from one relative to another, and place them with a stable, loving gay couple, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

The other amendment that passed allows the use of the death penalty in Wisconsin. Again, it makes me feel sick. They say that taking a life is the worst crime you can commit, but states all around the nation reserve that same right for themselves.

Mike actually debated with his parents on this point when we visited them last. His mother was voting in favor, and he did his best to tell her why it was wrong. In the end she said, "I don't know, I still think we need it."

"No we don't," I piped up. "All the worst criminals get killed in prison anyway."

"Oh," she said. "I never thought of that." But I could tell she didn't appreciate my interjection. I need to work on my debating skills.

So nationally I'm happy. Locally, not so much. But in a way that's good because I can work to change my city and my state. I'd have a harder time changing the nation.

Democracy in Action

ivoted
Originally uploaded by Lucky Haskins.

I voted. I hope you did too!

If you didn't vote yet, just remember two things:

1. If you're pressed for time, just check the box to vote a straight Democratic ticket. Handy!

2. For you Wisconsin residents, remember, a fair Wisconsin votes NO on the constitutional marriage amendment.

Utilikilt

Mike keeps joking that I'm going to get him a Utilikilt for Christmas. But I won't...I know that would be less a gift for him and more a gift for me. Sort of like when a man buys a woman lingerie.

To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, "Kilts are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."