Highlights and Lowlights

Lately I've seen a lot of people summing up the high points and low points of 2006.

Okay, it was just Mike and Ashley. But I'm still going to do it anyway. So here's my summary:

Highlights of 2006
Getting engaged and married to Mike
Bringing Juneau into our home, and introducing my cats to Mike's
Discovering that two of my well-deserving friends are pregnant, and two other friends are engaged.
Moving to Milwaukee
Re-discovering my religion
Hearing Tom Petty's new album

Lowlights of 2006
Preparing for the aforementioned wedding
Getting stalked by that nutjob Liz
My new, longer commute to work
My sister's divorce

All in all 2006 was a great year for me. I'm hoping that even though 2007 didn't get off to the greatest start it'll still give '06 a run for its money.

Friday Five

I rarely ever do the Friday Five, but this one seemed fun.

1. Do you have any pets? If so, how many, and what are their names?
I have five cats - Rusty, Cider, Lucky, Edison, and Juneau. That's a whole lotta cats.

2. What was your very first pet? Do you remember its name?
The first pet I had was a goldfish. It lived in a Skippy jar until my mom gave it away. My family's next pet was a black cat named Jefferson. We named it that since we got it from the Jefferson County Humane Society. Unfortunately, that was also around the time "The Jeffersons," a sitcom about an African-American family, was running. People assumed we were just kinda racist.

3. Is there an animal you would never have as a pet?
I would never have a spider or a snake. I could also never have an octopus. Mike told me that they can unlock their aquariums and walk around on land. Sometimes they even break into other aquariums and eat the fish in there. No thanks!

4. What common pet have you always wanted but never had? Why not?
I've never had a bird since I have cats. It just seems like a bad idea. I've never had a rabbit for the same reason.

5. What wild animal (extinct or not) would you own if you didn't have to worry about its adjustment or the cost of captivity?
A goat! I love, love, love goats, but you just can't keep one in the city. I know goats aren't wild, but there aren't any wild animals that I'd really want.

Mawwiage...is what bwings us togeddah...today

Mike and I are in an odd position with our friends in that we seem to be right in the middle of two very opposite groups. Most of my friends are married, purchasing homes, having babies, holding down career-type, 9-to-5 jobs, and just generally settling down. Most of Mike's friends got degrees in college such as Drama or Modern Dance, and they compare notes on the local music scene and their own hopes for their big break into music/art/acting while they work short-term jobs at places like Starbucks. Both lives have their advantages...in fifty years my friends will have a secure existence and will be able to retire, while Mike's friends will have the best stories to tell and experiences to share.

As I said, Mike and I are caught in the middle. We rent a rundown apartment in an interesting part of Milwaukee and Mike loves his music, but I'm keeping an eye on the state pension system and my growing 401k. Also, we both assure the other that it's their friends that aren't typical...Mike thinks that most twentysomethings aren't too worried about building equity, while I tell him that the typical person our age already has a dog and .5 children, and will be getting the other 2 kids and the white picket fence within a few years. Mostly, though, we're very content to be where we are.

Because I see a little of both extremes, I've been able to compare the two. Believe it or not, the biggest issue they react differently to is not our housing situation or our employment. It's our marriage.

When I was single and dating my friends didn't really encourage me to get married, even though many of them were. Actually, they were too busy trying to encourage me not to date jerks. When my ill-fated relationships would end, I'd get all huffy and say, "I'm going to be single for the rest of my life!"

They'd say, "That's fine, so long as you don't date another idiot like that one."

Occasionally I'd get unsolicited relationship advice with a definite, I should know, I'm married! tone, but the vast majority of the time my friends accepted my decisions. They didn't care if I was married, single, swinging, or doing anything else so long as I was taking care of myself and I was happy.

Mike has had a very different experience. He's one of the first people he knows to get married, so it's been awkward. Although some of his friends have been happy because he's happy, some have seemed unable to comprehend it. They've said, "So, this is your fiance!" or "So, this is your wife!" in the same desperately jocular tone they'd use to show that they were accepting of whatever weird-ass idea you're wasting your time with. It's as if they were saying, "So, you're dating your cousin! Oh, and having relations with her donkey? Hey man, whatever works! It's your lifestyle!" It's awkward, but touching in a way.

Other people, though, have equated getting married with selling out, or giving in to The Man. These are generally people who loudly reject our religion, or tell us that we're just giving in to societal pressure. They proudly say that they've been living with their boyfriend or girlfriend for a month, or a year, or five years, and that they don't need society to approve of their relationship. They don't need to be tied down. They don't need to live their lives the way someone else says they should. And neither should we.

That's the thing, though...I'm all for that idea. Do what's good for you. You want to tour with your band and have adventures? Awesome! You want to quit your job and be a stay-at-home mom? Neat! So long as you aren't hurting anyone else, go nuts! But when you fight for that idea, the idea that you should live your life in the way you think is most fulfilling without regard to someone else's norms, you have to extend that priviledge to everyone otherwise you're just a hypocrite. You're just exchanging society's values for your own.

The funny thing is that the people who shout the loudest about their life being squashed by someone else's expectations are the ones who are quickest to say that what Mike and I did with our lives was wrong.

I'm not really looking for universal acceptance of our relationship. That's both impossible and unnecessary. I just wish people would stop showing that they're so free-thinking and enlightened for badmouthing our marriage.

Creativity

Today my sister came over and we tried to do some screen printing on t-shirts. She finished her screen far before I was even 2/3 of the way done with mine, so we only printed hers. As we were putting the dye down I mentioned that I have a short attention span for crafts.

"I'm surprised," she said. "You seem to really get into your projects."

"I do, for a short time," I replied. "And then I get sick of it and pick up another. I just rotate, so I get a little bit done on a lot of things but it takes forever to finish anything."

Within the past two days Mike has thought aloud a lot about what he's going to do now that he's not a part of the band. He's giving some consideration to eventually joining his friend Ashley's band, but it seems like he's giving more and more consideration to his own music, which he creates under the name DJ Dialtone. He's also starting to think about the hobbies he loves, like building electronics and messing around with clay. He's starting to focus on what creative pursuits would make him happiest, and how to follow those things.

Seeing him think about all of this makes me think about my creative pursuits too. I'm sick of making tiny amounts of progress on many things simultaneously and feeling like I'm going nowhere. Here's a list of the things I'm working on currently:

- knitting a scarf
- learning American Sign Language
- learning Spanish
- learning the process of screen printing
- learning to play the keyboard
- doodling ideas for a webcomic
- writing more, which includes this blog, my Catholic blog, and possibly a few short stories
- reading more...right now I'm in the middle of The Partly Cloudy Patriot by Sarah Vowell and Stuart by Alexander Masters, plus I have a small pile of books Mike thinks I'd enjoy.

I'm fairly content with my progress in learning ASL and Spanish because I'm exposed to both of those languages at work. The rest of the things, though, are conquered in my spare time - that is, once you subtract time for hanging out with Mike, working, and "life chores" like cleaning, cooking, shopping and laundry. I just don't have much time, and when you divide that time among a bunch of different projects not much headway is made on anything.

One solution, of course, would be to pick one thing and just do that. I have no idea how people do that. Many of the people I know have one overriding passion, one thing that matters most to them. It can be anything from a career, music, home renovation, raising birds, visual art, whatever. I don't have any one thing that I like better than everything else, and it seems like whenever I do decide to pursue just one thing, something else comes along that captures my interest even more.

Another solution would be to just accept my scattered nature, but I can't. I can't help but feel like a flake when I have a thousand little projects going on.

Bah.

Mike still really wants me to take a class this winter. I wonder if I can take one that would help me find out what I really want to do.

Juneau in the sink!

juneauinsink
Originally uploaded by Lucky Haskins.

Debra (grossefemme.blogspot.com) mentioned that she likes seeing pictures of my cats, so here's another one! It's our most recent cat, Juneau, who's much fatter and happier than she was when we got her in August. She also enjoys being in the sink. As you can probably tell.

Thanks to everyone who's commented recently offering advice on Mike's health, the band situation, finding a duplicate doll, and everything else. I'll make an entry soon to respond to it all.

Today has been a much better day :-)

Screw you, 2007

I must say, so far 2007 has not been a good year. Yesterday Mike was in bed all day recouperating from his cold, and today he took a half-day so we could go to the doctor. The doctor put him on another course of prednisone, plus an antibiotic and more albuterol. While it was nothing huge, I got the impression that Mike's asthma and the cold were more severe than we'd thought.

Mike also got a call from the lead singer of his band today, saying Mike was kicked out. Mike is understandably hurt after all the effort and work he's put in, plus it's uncomfortable that his best friend is still in the band. All in all, though, he's handling it better than me. I've been stomping around all afternoon saying things like, "I hope Dan has a freak accident and breaks both his hands," and "What's Dan's phone number? I want to send him a text message that says, 'I HATE YOU.'"

Then there was Rusty's vet appointment today. They pointed out that now that it was 2007 he's ten years old, which just sounds so old to me. It also means that Cider is twelve. In addition to Rusty's blocked tear ducts, FIV, vomiting, and lovely baldness due to his obsessively licking the fur off his belly, the vet detected some irregular heartbeats. When I asked, "Well, what are some signs I should be looking for that would indicate he's having problems with his heart?" she responded, "Well, sudden death is the big one." Great. So when I come home and find my cat dropped dead I'll know why. She didn't know of anything else I could look for or do.

The year 2007 is only two days old, so it has time to improve. I hope it does.

New year, new illness

Mike and I spent New Year's Eve at the Riverside Theater. Cake was having a concert with a band called Maritime opening, and the Scarring Party was playing in the second-floor bar area before the concert and during the intermission. It was dull and uncomfortable at times - I hate mingling! - but there were some pretty good points too. The Scarring Party played well, there was good food to be had, Mike looked good in his new slacks and I liked my dress. Mike tried to take a photo of us by holding the camera at arm's length and snapping a picture, but during his first try he held it too low and all he got was a snapshot of my chest. He seemed to think that was a pretty good deal, though. And, of course, at midnight I got a kiss from the best husband in the room.

After midnight, though, things started to go downhill. Mike's inhaler was a new type that sprayed the medicine without CFCs or something, and in addition to being twice as expensive it was also tough to tell when it was running out. Well, last night we found out for sure that it was empty. Mike had been battling a cold for the past few days, and the exertion of playing was too much for him. He was starting to get that old, familiar cough and that gaspy quality to his voice. I had originally planned on picking up his new inhaler first thing in the morning (which, by then, was a mere four hours away) but instead I called Walgreen's back and told them that Mike was having trouble breathing tonight, and could we please pick up an inhaler immediately? Mike's friend Jim graciously missed out on having drinks with Cake so he could take over our job of watching the band's equipment so we could get out to the car and on our way to the pharmacy.

Mike carried his little box of wires and cords and I wrestled his upright bass out to the car. Even though he wasn't carrying anything heavy and we were walking slowly since I was hauling the bass, he was out of breath and couldn't stop coughing. He got the bass into the car and we hopped in. Mike pulled out of the parking spot and started to drive across town to the pharmacy.

"If you need to, we can pull over and...call somebody," I said. I didn't want to say outright that I was thinking of calling an ambulance.

"I'm okay," he gasped. He was still coughing and had the window down for air.

Never has the drive across town seemed so long. Even though the streets were fairly empty there were drunken bar patrons stumbling around and busses making runs. I closed my eyes and clasped my hands and prayed he'd be okay.

We did get to Walgreen's without incident. When we walked up to the pharmacy counter the pharmacist glanced at us and said, "Albuterol, right?" It was pretty obvious what we were there for. Mike shakily unwrapped his inhaler and took a puff while I talked with the pharmacist and paid. Even with the albuterol he still needed to just stand still for a while to catch his breath. We came home with his brand new inhaler, a bottle of Mucinex to loosen the congestion from his cold, and a box of Russel Stover candy. When Mike chuckled when I grabbed it in the checkout line I defensively replied, "It's comfort food!" Molasses chews have a way of relaxing the nerves.

Today Mike's spending the day in bed to recover from both his asthma and the cold. We were supposed to go to church, but he's in no shape to go anywhere and I was reluctant to leave him alone. He has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, which is good. I know Mike must think I'm an awful nag about his asthma, but it's worth his being annoyed at me if it keeps us from experiencing nights like the one we just went through.