On a cheerier note...

Dave and I are warming up for March's Focal Plane Challenge by trying to take a photo a day in February. The more photos I take the more pleased I am with my results. I've mostly taken photos of things around my apartment, but in just ten days I've seen an improvement in what I can do. Plus it's been a neat challenge trying to find little things that are interesting or beautiful enough to take a photo. You can see my photos from February here. There's only one shot that I've really planned, and that's the one with the pregnancy test. Most of the rest were the result of me thinking, "Gotta get today's photo. What can I take a picture of?"

For those who are interested, the official Focal Plane Challenge website is here. The Flickr group is here. If you want to get in on the fun sign up! You don't need a Flickr account, but it would be neat. I think it's going to be mostly people that Dave or I know, but it would be neat to get some internet people too. Just looking through 31 photos of someone's life would be interesting. And if anyone local is doing it, it would be fun to take a photo excursion or two next month.

I'm really pleased that we're doing this. I can't wait until March.

Bam!

Today I ventured out of my apartment to have lunch with Ashley. After that we went to a few local shops to look at things both awesome and overpriced. I did, however, find the last part of Mike's Valentine's gift, and I can't wait to give it to him next weekend. Afterwards she invited me to watch a movie, but my sister had called while we were out and about, and I had hoped that she was calling to say that she and her boyfriend were coming over. I'm very eager to meet this new guy, so I bid Ashley farewell and headed home.

On my way home I checked my voicemail and found that my sister was just giving me her new address, not planning on coming over. I was disappointed, but figured that I had some chores to do at home anyway. I pulled up to an intersection and was waiting to turn left onto the freeway when BAM! I got rear-ended.

The moment after it happened I was shocked, and then I started shaking. Two accidents within four months! At least this one couldn't be my fault, could it? I was abiding by the laws, wasn't I?

I put on my flashers and hopped out of my car to see what happened. A silver car was behind me, and behind him was a red car. The red car had rear-ended him, and he had knocked into me. I trotted up. "Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," the driver of the silver car said. "Are you?"

"Yeah," I said. I was still shaking like a leaf, but otherwise okay.

The red car's driver seemed pretty out of it. He just stared at me, and then stared at the other driver when the other driver asked him what happened.

I went back to inspect my car and, amazingly, there wasn't a mark on it. I rubbed the salt off my bumper and noticed a few minor scuff marks, but otherwise it was okay. I guess I must have taken my foot of the brake when I got hit and just rolled away from the collision. The silver car's front end was fine too. The rear end, though, wasn't as pretty. The bumper was hanging off the car and the trunk wouldn't close.

Soon the police came and took our statements. They were very nice and advised me not to bother calling my insurance company since there was no damage to my car and my involvement was pretty minor.

I drove home taking city streets since I didn't want to go past the accident again. I felt supersitious about it somehow. After I got home they called me to let me know that they had arrested the driver of the red car for drunk driving. I was a little surprised that he was out driving drunk at 1:30 in the afternoon.

My car made it all the way home without any problems, so I don't think there will be any lingering structural damage. I have a weird sore spot that extends from between my shoulder blades up to the base of my neck, but I'm pretty sure it's just psychosomatic. It'll go away soon.

It was a very exciting afteroon.

Should I stay or should I go?

With regards to the baby talk - Mike and I aren't going to have a baby. It's way too early, and having a baby as an excuse to go off my diet is a pretty bad reason (although it's better than my parents' reason for having me, which was that their birth control failed).

Also, with regards to my weight - I'm mostly losing weight because my doctor wants me to. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to wearing a bikini again, but it's mostly for my health. With my family history of high cholesterol and heart problems it would probably benefit me to drop some pounds. It would also benefit me to go running, but hey, one step at a time.

I know that my decisions are my own, but it helps to let people understand my position. That way they understand me and give me less hassle. So I guess that's why I'm going to go into a long-winded explanation of why I decided not to quit my job.

For those who don't know, I've worked for a staffing agency since I graduated and every year they rent me out to the high school in Illinois where I currently work. Every year I say I'm going to quit, and every year I go back. This year I was more serious about it that in years past, but when they contacted me about renewing my contract I decided that it would be best for me to spend another year there. My parents are disbelieving, my friends think I'm insane, and my husband is upset, but I think it's for the best.

Here are the reasons I like my job:

1. It's familiar. I can't emphasize that enough. It's hard to break into a new building and learn to deal with a new system, new people, and new students. I've gotten a taste of that with working at the middle school this year. I know everyone and everything I have to deal with at the high school, and that's nice.

2. I enjoy it. Believe it or not, I really do like my job. This year has been a little sad because even when awesome things would happen, I was slightly saddened because I thought it would be my last year and I figured I'd never see those kids again. But despite the ups and downs, it's overall a really good job.

3. It pays well. The pay cut I would take in getting a Wisconsin job would be significant, especially considering that I want to start saving for a house. Currently I have a good-sized 401k, but little money in the bank. I hate the idea of taking a pay cut now.

4. It's a good experience. It's really the best of two worlds. I love working with high schoolers, but most high school speech pathologists just work with language. The interesting speech, fluency, and AAC stuff is seen more at the elementary and middle school levels. My kids are so needy that I see all of it. It's too bad for the kids, but interesting for me. Plus I can't beat the resume experience - who wouldn't hire someone with years of experience working with the demographic I see every day?

5. What politics? Because I'm not really a district employee, and because I have so many people to answer to, the end result is that nobody watches me too closely. I'm able to duck out of a lot of political battles. Also, being a non-district employee means I'm free from staff meetings, chaperoning, hall monitoring, and other duties.

In all fairness, here are the reasons I could have changed jobs:

1. Commuting. My commute is an hour each way, which totals up to ten hours and five hundred miles each week. It's mostly freeway, the afternoon is rush hour, and it does get trying.

2. I want a pension! Wisconsin has an awesome pension system, and every year I work in Illinois is another year I don't get that benefit.

3. I ain't got nobody that I can depend on. I've gotten to know a few people around Milwaukee, like Ashley, and I've hung out with some of Mike's friends, like Kathy and Matt, but most of my friends still live far away - college friends scattered around the state, and work friends in Illinois. Having a local job would help me make local friends. However, I'm hoping to remedy this by making more time for the people I do know here in Milwaukee, and also getting to know people at my summer job.

And finally, here are some reasons that I wanted to not change jobs right now:

1. Enough changes, already! This year promises to be a busy one. With my sister's divorce and apparent breakdown, my brother's return from Japan, me and Mike saving for a house and working on our first year of marriage, things will be hectic. It would be nice if one thing stayed the same.

2. Budgetary concerns. Mike and I have never really been able to form a firm budget. Between medical costs and wedding expenses it seems like there's always been something that's cropped up as an unexpected expense. Right now I'm leery about taking a pay cut when I'm not sure we can afford it. I'd rather get into a holding pattern and then evaluate which expenses to trim when I do get a slice in pay.

3. The more things change, the more they stay the same. A lot of the things that bother me at my current job - the policies, the stress, the difficulties the kids face - won't change at a new school. They go along with the job. Even if some of the stresses are eliminated, new ones will crop up in their place.

In the end, the decision is mine. Mike plays a big part in the decision, and I certainly listen to my friends' and parents' input, but ultimately it's my choice. And I guess I've made it.

Losing Weight

Last night I was stomping around complaining about how I wasn't losing weight.

"You need to weigh yourself in the morning," Mike pointed out. "Everyone puts on water weight over the course of the day."

"I do," I said grouchily. "And I've still lost barely anything."

"Maybe you're pregnant," Mike said. "Here, let me see." He pulled me over to where he was sitting and planted his ear squarely below my sternum. I was going to point out that I wasn't going to grow a baby in my ribcage, but I didn't want to interrupt his listening.

"Do you hear anything?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. But real quiet, like it's small."

"Right," I said, breaking away. "I know I'm not pregnant, I'm just pudgy."

Later that evening while Mike was reading I asked, "Hey, if I was pregnant, I could eat what I wanted, right?"

"Sure," Mike said, glancing up.

"So if I took a pregnancy test, then I could eat a burger?" I asked.

"You'd have to pass the pregnancy test," Mike said.

"I could really go for a burger," I murmured.

The only thing wrong with that plan is that I'd have to lose even more weight after the kid was born.

I guess it's back to protien bars and low-cal lemonade.

Car Repairs

Yesterday my school was closed because of the cold, so I was able to stay home. Mike, however, had to work, and since his car wouldn’t start I drove him there yesterday morning.

Now, the car not starting had become quite the issue. On Monday Mike’s mom called to make sure we were okay in the cold, and to ask how our cars were faring. My Prizm had started up grudgingly each day during the cold snap, but Mike’s Sable wasn’t as agreeable. In fact, it wouldn’t start on Monday morning, and so Mike had to take the bus to work and I picked him up in the evening. To Mike’s parents, this was terrible. And so even though Mike was content to wait until the weather got warmer and his car thawed out, his parents decided to take matters into their own hands and start his car themselves.

They came yesterday afternoon despite Mike’s protests. Now, they do have the tendency to come over (sometimes with warning beforehand, sometimes not), do things like work on Mike’s car or cut our lawn, and then disappear. Mike is resigned to this and just accepts it, but their unasked-for assistance drives me crazy. However, I always feel like we should invite them in, feed them, and visit for awhile since they did go to the trouble to do something nice for us. I had gone out to clean his car out when I spotted his dad working on it. His mom was there too, but since she has trouble walking she was just sitting in their minivan while Mike’s dad worked. Feeling obliged to be a good host, I sat in the van and kept his mom company while his dad labored away, and then invited them both in for hot chocolate afterward.

While Mike’s dad was working on the car he noticed that it refused to heat up no matter how long the engine ran. He was out there running the car for nearly half an hour, but the vents kept blowing cold air. Mike’s mom decided that he couldn’t drive around in a car without heat, so while they sipped the hot chocolate I’d made, Mike’s dad called the dealership and arranged to bring the Sable in the next day. I was slightly shocked because they’d done it all without consulting Mike. I remember a time or two that my car broke down when the car was at home and I was away at college, and my dad always called me to ask if I’d like him to bring it in, where I’d like it taken, etc. But his parents took care of it all and even decided how they would get Mike to work since they’d have his car.

After all that it was getting to be about 4:40, and I said that I had to go pick up Mike. Then his parents suggested that we all go, and then we’d go out for dinner afterward. While they were getting ready to go I called my slightly disoriented husband and explained to him that his parents would be picking him up, not just me, that we’d be eating out instead of eating the pancakes I’d planned to make, and that he wouldn’t have his car tomorrow but his dad would drive him to work.

As we drove to the restaurant Mike kept telling his parents that the car was fine, that it warmed up when it felt like it, and that it wasn’t a big deal. His parents responded that something was wrong, it needed to be taken care of, and that he couldn’t just take the bus.

“Why didn’t you call us yesterday when your car wouldn’t start?” Mike’s mom asked. “We would have come and gotten you!”

“I wanted to get to work on time,” Mike said, “and the bus was quicker.” I tried to picture my parents dropping me off at work without me feeling like a teenager going to her job at McDonald’s. I didn’t think it could be done.

Most of the time I’m extremely independent. I value the fact that my parents trust me enough to let me handle my own business. So when Mike’s parents constantly try to help, it feels less like assistance and more like meddling. However, after watching them that afternoon I saw that they meant well. Mike’s parents love him and they want to help him however they can. In fact, when they heard Mike’s car was having trouble on Monday night both his parents and his brother offered to come out and help him start it up. They’re a family that would do anything for one another, and while their actions sometimes drive me up the wall, their hearts are in the right place. I can’t help but respect that.

Mike’s mom asked me to help make a scrapbook of the wedding for her to have, and originally I had thought I’d just do it myself and give it to her. But maybe now I’ll buy the supplies and we can assemble it together. They really are good people, and I should get to know them better.

An Analogy

I've tried sharing this with a few people when they're having trouble but most people don't have patience for long-winded analogies. I figured I'd post it here in case someone could find comfort in it like it comforted me.

When I was single and watching all my friends get married off around me I naturally began to wonder if something was wrong with me. After all, if everyone else could find a significant other why couldn't I? Was I not good enough?

I'm a very visual person, so when I have a problem I sometimes think up a visual analogy. I imagined that everyone in the world was carrying around a puzzle piece, looking for someone who had the matching piece. When two people holding two complementary pieces found each other and fitted their pieces together, it was love.

I realized that if I was walking around holding this puzzle piece looking for the guy holding the matching piece and I couldn't find him, I wouldn't blame the piece. After all, my piece was made of the same stuff as everyone else's. It was just as good. So why couldn't I find my match?

I realized that some of my friends who found their match right away were lucky. What are the odds you'd grow up with the guy holding that matching piece sitting right next to you in 9th grade homeroom? Some people were brave, continually going out and meeting people and looking for that match. They didn't hide away or sulk with disappointment when they finally discovered that the guy in front of them just wasn't holding a match. Some of them were content to force pieces into clumsily fitting together for the sake of having a match, and some were content with pieces that looked like they went together but didn't truly fit snugly. But I knew that I wanted a match that fitted together easily and naturally, so those weren't for me.

I also knew that I had perhaps met some people whose pieces did fit with mine, but we hadn't had the experience or the willingness to really fit them together. I knew that I had sometimes pursued people with flashy, pretty pieces without regard to whether they'd really fit with mine. And sometimes I hadn't even known what to look for.

But I did know that if I kept looking I might find that other piece. And if I never found it, I knew it wasn't because there was anything wrong with it.

Washer & Dryer

This evening our washer stopped working.

Now, in most apartment situations, this would warrant a call to the landlord. However, not only is our landlord pretty hands-off in terms of repairs, but Mike and I have also been living here with a rent that's less than what we probably should be paying. When Mike signed the lease over a year ago the landlord hinted that there might be a rent increase after one year. Well, we've passed the year mark and he's still accepting our checks at the old rent amount, so I'm not too eager at all to call his attention to our situation.

The washer development doesn't affect my situation too much because Mike is the only one who used our washer and dryer. They're both in the basement which is infested with spiders and completely scary, so I've only been down there once. Not only that, but I don't let Mike do my laundry anymore since I'm particular about how it's done. I always went to the laundromat. Mike, however, really liked the luxury of having a washer and dryer in the basement, so I felt for him.

This evening I accompanied Mike to the laundromat. It's still absolutely, positively frigid cold so this was no small show of support. I did my laundry too and discovered that not only is the laundromat really deserted on Sunday nights, but also that there's a vague loser-ish sensation I get from being there when it's so empty.

Earlier today I offered to do all of our laundry if Mike would allow me to buy a washer/dryer set from Craigslist and set it up in his office. He laughed at the time, but maybe I'll get it now!