Danulai's Journal

Argh!

2010-03-13T14:15:00.003-06:00

A post from the forums on what to expect dot com:

I hate how it seems like people look down on young moms, anyone having this experience?? its like they look at your stomach and your face, and most of the time its "your pregnant, what do your parents think" and not "congratulations" like it should be.. I feel like once your 18 and an adult people should not be so judgemental and assuming that your way too young to have a baby.. Im actually happy im a young mom (not anything against older moms) i feel like ill be able to have a lot of fun doing stuff with my daughter because i still think kid stuff is fun! i just wish people wouldnt be so judgemental and assume that having a baby young is such a bad thing. sure i know that its going to be hard but it doesnt mean ill be any worse of a mother...

Seriously? "I'm happy I'm a young mom [because] I'll be able to have a lot of fun doing stuff with my daughter because I still think kid stuff is fun?"

Honestly, there are some really great teen parents out there, and some really lousy older parents. It's easier to have a baby when you're older, but it's no guarantee that you'll be a good parent. But the idea that you'll be a good parent because you still like to swing at the park or watch cartoons IS JUST STUPID.

It's like the kids at work who can't wait to get pregnant because having a baby is like getting the latest fashion accessory. Or worse, the girls who get pregnant because they see their baby as the ticket to their future...WIC benefits and welfare. The only way to get it is to get knocked up. I feel for those girls who see their future as so bleak and limited, but I feel even more for their babies.

This morning I was feeling guilty because I ate six Oreo cookies and wanted a tuna salad sandwich for lunch. The fat! The potential for mercury! I'm so irresponsible*! I felt like I was taking lousy care of my baby. It's nice to know I'm not the worst mom in the world.

* In my defense I've only gained 3 lbs this pregnancy because of my morning sickness, and I haven't had any fish since I found out I was pregnant. But still, I should eat more fruit.

My Weekend

2010-03-07T19:59:00.003-06:00

I had a pretty good weekend.

On Friday night Mike went to a hockey game, so I hung out with P. He's going through a phase where he picks out a book and then would be more than happy to sit while you read him the book over and over for the entire evening. Luckily he's pretty good about going over and picking out a new book after about three readings.

On Saturday I went to my parents' house and visited with them and my sister, who's due to have her baby in just two weeks. After giving it a lot of thought I decided to give her some of P's old clothes (I have another pregnant friend and whatever she doesn't want will probably go straight to my sister). At first I feared that it would set up a pattern where she'd just expect us to give her anything that P once owned, and that she'd never really take responsibility for supplying her own kid with clothes. Not taking responsibility is something she excels at. However, hand-me-down baby clothes are so common that I think it'll be okay.

After visiting my parents I went to a children's consignment shop with Mike and P to get some books and a toy for Nephew. My sister is on a tight budget...she got a lot of the basics at her baby shower, and she's gotten things like diapers through a county program for low-income parents, but she has almost no toys and only one book. Kids' books are so expensive new, but you never know what books your kid will love, so it's nice to have a variety. She can't really afford a variety. So I got a small stack of books that should tide Nephew over until Christmas when we can get him some more. I also got a soft toy with rattles and a mirror and other stuff. The kid needs something to do.

Today we went to the mall to get my wedding rings cleaned and inspected to maintain the warranty. We got to the mall an hour before it opens (who knew it opened at 11 AM on Sundays?) so we let P run around the play area while we waited for stores to open. Oh my gosh, you would have thought that he had never seen a play area before. He was laughing and grinning and constantly in motion. I think the winter has been hard on him - we went from daily romps in the park and at least two hours a day of play in the yard to just being cooped up inside. I felt bad, and thought maybe we should bring him to the play area more often.

Unfortunately when it was time to go he pitched an absolute fit and screamed as we walked halfway through the mall. He's started throwing little tantrums once in a while, and I've learned that the quickest way to extinguish them is to ignore them. He stops pretty quickly. But today he was really upset, and tired, and hungry (it was nearing lunchtime) and he didn't give up so easily. I kept ignoring him but felt like a bad mother just wheeling my screaming toddler through the mall without doing anything to placate him.

Tonight Mike is out with a friend from out of town, so I'm home alone with P again. He's sleeping peacefully and I should be too. This week is a short week for me (I have Friday off) but it'll be very busy.

Good night!

Come on now

2010-02-25T06:02:00.004-06:00

Whattoexpect.com has a forum section, with message boards for many different topics, including boards for your due date. I've been reading the July 2010 board. Every three days or so I tell Mike, "The What to Expect boards are dead to me. DEAD TO ME." For some reason I'm due the same month as a bunch of giggly girls (yes, girls, not women) in their late teens and early twenties, and and it just irritates me.

Recently I was reading a discussion about whether or not to use crib bumpers. The current advice from doctors is don't, because it's a suffocation risk. So someone asked if people were using the bumpers that came with their bedding sets. About half of the people were like me, saying, "No, it's too dangerous and has no benefit." But about half the people said, "Yes, I'm using mine."

"Because it's cute."

CUTE? Really? That's it? I could respect your decision if you were afraid the kid would get his arms and legs stuck between the slats, or if you did research and rejected the doctors' opinion, or had a valid reason besides IT'S JUST CUTE.

Come on.

I continue to read and post, though, because...I don't know why. Because I don't know anyone else who's due in July, I guess.

Today I asked a question about names, because Mike and I can't decide on a middle name, and so we're thinking of using two. I posted the question to the board to see if people thought that two middle names was overkill. I don't know how they'll react to three Catholic names like Bernadette, Mary, and Mercy. The people there use names like this (and yes, these are real examples):

"Riley," spelled Rhyleigh
"Lincoln," spelled Linkin*
"Maxim," spelled Macksim

So we'll see.

I need to find something else to do.

* after the band Linkin Park. Classy!

Busy Day

2010-02-16T02:58:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a busy day, considering that I didn't work.

At 8:45 AM I had my ultrasound. This big one - the fetal study ultrasound. Also, the fun one, where you can see things like the parts of the baby and the gender! Unfortunately, 45 minutes before your appointment you have to drink 24 oz of water so you have a full bladder during the test. I have no idea why this is necessary, but the papers I got state that it is, and that if you don't come with a full bladder they'll make you come back another day. I didn't want that - I already had today off of work for President's Day and I didn't want to miss a day of work because my bladder wasn't sufficiently full. So I dutifully drank all of the water.

Ugh - misery. I spent my time in the waiting room tapping my foot, reassuring myself that I had gotten through this once for P's ultrasound, and also trying not to think about the fact that my muscles were probably tighter back then.

But all was well. They called me back and a student tech did the first parts of my ultrasound. Both she and the regular tech, who came in later to finish the ultrasound, commented, "Wow, your bladder is really full. You really did drink all of that water, didn't you?" Yes, of course I did, I wanted to scream, you told me to! Why would you tell me to do that if I didn't really need to?

But the ultrasound went well. First the kiddo was squirming and fighting, and later she curled into a tiny ball and wouldn't move at all, so it took them a while to get all of the images. I know they can't diagnose anything so I didn't bother to ask if everything looked normal, but they didn't seem concerned about anything.

And we got a clear shot of the gender - it's a girl! When I came home P rushed over and wanted to see my belly (his new obsession, for some reason), and as he did Mike said, "Say hi to Bernadette."

"Hi, Dette!" P said cheerfully.

We'll call her Etta, and I'll call her E here. I think the ultrasound ticked her off, because she was more active than ever before for the rest of the day.

Later I went to physical therapy for my back. The pregnancy has thrown it out of whack. I think the main purpose of PT is to make you feel absolutely silly, because I felt absurd as the PT coached me through the back exercises I have to do now. Luckily I found that I've been doing a lot of everyday things to aggravate my back. This is good, because it means that if I can make the lifestyle changes I need to make - things like carrying bags over both shoulders instead of one, or using pillows for support when I sit - then my back will stop hurting. She also recommended a belly brace, which looks absurd.

But if it helps, I'll get one and use it.

So that was my day. Hopefully today won't be as busy - I'm tired from my day off!

Those things

2010-02-07T19:19:00.002-06:00

This evening Mike, P, and I were watching the Super Bowl commercials and there was a commercial that featured beavers. When he saw the beavers Mike said, "Oh look, Philo, those things."

"Those are beavers," I said.

"Oh, I was going to say woodchucks," Mike said.

"Well, they're not," I said.

"I'm a city boy," Mike said, "just like P." He ruffled P's hair.

Good thing I'm around to educate them.

Getting Ready

2010-01-31T11:35:00.003-06:00

We're getting ready for Bernamon. I guess I feel the need to prepare earlier than I did for P because we're so busy with P that our spare time is limited. I won't have as much time in my 8th and 9th months to putter around the nursery, so I have to get started earlier.

Like four months earlier. Why yes, I am compulsive.

I think part of it is because I'm so busy with P and the new job that I feel less "connected" with this pregnancy. I can't spend entire evenings sipping lemonade and sitting perfectly still, waiting to feel a tap inside my belly, or perusing pregnancy websites and books. But doing things like arranging Bernamon's room or buying a crib makes it more real for me. I can't wait for the ultrasound...that'll make it even more real. Now that Mike and I know the rollercoaster that pregnancy and parenting can be, we're more eager than ever to see that ultrasound and be reassured that we have a whole, healthy baby in there.

Anyway, I added a tag called Compulsive Lists because I do make compulsive lists, and also because that's what this is. It's what we have and what we need for the baby.

What We Need:

[X] Crib and mattress
[X] Bedding
[ ] Mattress pads
[ ] Changing table
[X] Double stroller
[X] Infant car seat/carrier
[ ] Larger car seat
[X] Clothes (we're set, especially if it's a boy!)
[X] Baby carrier
[X] Cloth diapers
[ ] Snappis (we have some, but ours are old and they need replacing after 6 months)
[X] Toys
[X] Bath tub
[X] Baby monitor
[X] Pack'n'Play
[X] Swing
[ ] Shelves
[ ] Bins/baskets for the shelves
[X] Random baby stuff that we have left over from P

We're close to being set.

Coming up Empty

2010-01-29T10:41:00.005-06:00

After being so smug about having our baby names all worked out, my feelings about more middle names changed and now we are struggling to come up with some.

I know that middle names don't mean much in society, but I really want them to be inspirational. I want to name my kids after something. P's first name is meaningful, and his middle name is tied to his first. His first name is Philo and by coincidence we chose Alexander as a middle name...I later found out that the Catholic saint St. Philo is also known as Philo of Alexandria. I've come to love the meaning behind his name, and I want our new kid to have an equally meaningful name.

My own name is not as meaningful. It's the only name my parents could think of that wasn't taken by one of my cousins, or a girl my dad dated. Thanks a lot, Mom and Dad. I want our kid's name to have meaning.

Our boy name is pretty much set. The first name is Solomon (it means "peace," and he was a Biblical figure) and the middle name is Francis (St. Francis of Assisi and St. Francis de Sales were wonderful saints). And our girl first name is Bernadette. But the middle name is harder.

I want Catherine, after St. Catherine Laboure who I think was a very neat saint. Mike wants Blaise. I like St. Blaise, but he's a male saint. Even though there are girls named Blaise today...I dunno. Mike says that naming our kid Bernadette Catherine pretty much says, "Yes, my child is named after the 1950s," but I think that it's a good, solid Catholic name.

On the 15th we're getting an ultrasound, and hopefully Bernamon will be feeling cooperative enough to let us see if we're having a boy or a girl. Then we'll know if we need to keep deliberating about names.

flutter

2010-01-22T21:22:00.002-06:00

Today I was sitting in my office at work. It was very quiet because it was Planning Day, when all the kids stay home and the teachers spend time planning their lessons for the next semester. My office is heated by a 1930s-era radiator system and sometimes it makes odd noises. Today I was reading an article online and I heard an odd, dry, fluttery sound behind me.

And my first thought was that I didn't want to turn around because I was afraid I'd see a giant moth fluttering around the back of my office.

Yes, a giant moth. That's where my mind jumped. Not "Oh, radiator noise," or "Oh, a bat" or "Oh, a standard-sized moth," all of which would have made more sense than giant moth.

I wonder how old I'll be before I stop fearing giant, nonexistent bugs.

Not much going on

2010-01-20T20:00:00.002-06:00

I'm not going to post P's monthly milestones anymore, since he's pretty much met all of his two-year milestones. I will mention, though, that he's starting to speak in two-word sentences sometimes, and he's even starting to ask, "What that?" A lot of his speech is still jargon, but he's improving.

Recently a friend of mine asked what I've been up to lately, and I responded, "Working and being knocked up." Even though he reminded me that I'm very lucky, and I know that I am, I can't help but wish that sometimes my life consisted of being an employee, then a mama. This weekend Mike is taking P out so I can have some alone time. That'll be good.

Next week I have my OB appointment, and I'm relieved. I'm at that awkward point in pregnancy where I'm not sick anymore, but I don't feel a whole lot of movement, so I feel less pregnant than I did a month ago. It seems like at some point every day I feel a little tap-tap or swoosh, but I can't decide if it's Bernamon, or my lunch. So I'll be happy to get to the doctor and hear the heartbeat. Plus I'm pretty sure that's the appointment where I'll get the prescription for my ultrasound. I can't wait for that. I'm dying to know if we're having a boy or a girl.

So life has been pretty quiet lately, but not bad. It makes for boring reading, but pleasant living.

Frisbee Golf

2010-01-11T20:04:00.002-06:00

Today at work I was observing a severely cognitively disabled student in gym class because I heard that it was her favorite class and that she was so interactive during gym. As it turns out, that was an overstatement. Instead I got to watch an hour of kids doing gym class.

Everyone in the class had significant cognitive disabilities so it was neat to watch how much they loved gym. The main activity was playing frisbee golf. The gym teacher divided the kids up into three teams, and because the teams were uneven asked me if I'd be on a team to even it up.

That's how I found myself participating in a high school gym class for the first time in ten years.

Now, the object of frisbee golf is to throw your frisbee into a thing that looks kind of like a bucket with an umbrella over it. You take one shot, and then walk to wherever it landed, and take another shot from there. It didn't take me long to figure out that if I just tossed it near the goal, instead of letting it fly wildly in the general direction of the goal in an attempt to hit the goal right away, I could take another shot standing a lot closer. I got all my goals within two shots, which was a lot less than most of the kids. Unfortunately the kids had a lot more energy and willingness to run than I did, so almost without fail, I was the last one to make my goals and be able to sit down.

Do you know what it's like to get schooled at frisbee golf by a bunch of teenagers?

For that matter, have you ever had to play frisbee golf?

While pregnant?

And wearing dress clothes?

And wearing dress shoes?

And running on a slippery gym floor?

It doesn't go well.

It was an interesting experience, but I'm so glad I don't have mandatory gym classes anymore.

Video on Self-Defense

2010-01-03T20:10:00.001-06:00

Ten Years in Review

2009-12-31T19:59:00.004-06:00

Yeah, I know that the new decade doesn't start until 2011, but 2010 FEELS significant. I've seen a lot of people doing "decade in review" posts, so here's mine.

2000 - I was in the middle of my sophomore year of college. Lots of studying, lots of moping around, but I was starting to make more friends and come out of my shell.

2001 - I was in the middle of my junior year of college. I was finally of legal drinking age and enjoyed going to the bars, even though I didn't do it much (maybe once every other month or so). I studied a lot and worried about getting into graduate school.

2002 - I was living in an apartment with my friends Megan and Erica. I studied a lot and worked a lot, but still found time to smoke cherry-flavored cigarillos and mope. I listened to far too many CDs for my own good. In May I graduated from college with my bachelors, got accepted into graduate school, and later that summer I got my own studio apartment at a lovely apartment complex/bowling alley.

2003 - I was in my second year of graduate school. I pierced my tongue and adopted my cat, Rusty, and then my other cat, Cider. I met Marc and started my first real serious romantic relationship.

2004 - I graduated from grad school, got my first real job, and moved to Illinois. It was a challenging thing to start my new life in a new state where I didn't know anybody, but I think it was good for me. I liked my job but didn't care for living in Illinois too much, so...

2005 - I moved back to Wisconsin. It meant a longer commute but I didn't mind. In October I met Mike.

2006 - In March I got engaged, and in June I moved to Milwaukee. In October I got married. It was a happy year.

2007 - Mike and I were settling into married life. In August I got pregnant with Little P. In October my little cat Rusty died.

2008 - I had Little P and finally quit my job in Illinois. I found a new job in Wisconsin and Mike, P, and I moved out of our little apartment.

2009 - I quit the job I had and got a new one in Milwaukee that would allow me to spend more time with my family. P turned one year old and Mike and I turned thirty. I got pregnant for a second time. We moved back to Milwaukee and bought a house.

I can't believe how different things are now compared to where I was in 2000. I wonder where I'll be in 2020.

Boys vs. Girls

2009-12-30T11:55:00.002-06:00

Lots of people have been asking me whether I want to have a boy or a girl. At first I didn't care which...in fact, I hoped for twins so I could have one of each. But now I'm officially hoping for a girl.

Here are my reasons for wanting a girl:

1. The carpet in the room that will be Bernamon's room is pink. While it's not particularly beautiful, it's in good shape and I'd rather not replace it.

2. Bernamon will be born in July, and will be one of the youngest kids in his/her class. Since girls develop emotionally sooner than boys, and because physical size isn't as important in establishing female pecking order in school, a girl will have an easier time dealing with the disadvantage than a boy.

3. It'll be easier with Nephew.

Nephew will be four months older than Bernamon. That's huge in baby time, but that gap will become almost nonexistent as the kids get older. Bernamon and Nephew will be in the same grade, and and it'll be tough not to compare the kids. I'm sure my parents and brother will never explicitly compare the kids in front of them, but it'll be hard to erase all comparison. Statements like, "Oh Bernamon, you made the Honor Roll! How did school go for you this quarter, Nephew?" or "Hey Nephew, great job on making the track team! What have you been up to, Bernamon?" could pit the kids against one another. I think the comparisons will have less of an impact if you're comparing a boy and a girl than if you're comparing a boy and a boy.

As far as what I want to do with Bernamon, though, it doesn't matter what he/she is. The activities I imagined doing with my kids - hiking through the country, teaching them to draw, going to the library, playing in the park, riding bikes, visiting all the places in Milwaukee that would appeal to a kid - don't depend on gender. I don't have visions of braiding hair or mother-daughter manicures. I just think things will be easier if Bernamon is a girl.

Also, I won't have to replace that carpeting.

Labor-Intensive

2009-12-27T06:12:00.003-06:00

When I found out that I was pregnant all those weeks ago I thought, "I'm pregnant? I'm pregnant! Hooray, hooray, hooray hoo- oh shit, labor."

Labor. I'll never forget my labor with P and personally, I don't know anyone who had a worse labor*. I labored without medication for 32 hours. And it was ALL back labor. I had an epidural for two hours before I started pushing. And I pushed, and pushed, and pushed, for three hours. The doctor told me later that he was about to announce that I needed a C-section when P finally came out.

I have several friends and cousins who had babies within a year of me having P, and it was interesting to compare notes. There were two people I know who had their babies at home with a midwife, and a few people I know who had C-sections, and everything in between. But I don't know anyone who really, really wanted a drug-free birth and wasn't able to do it.

I still really want a drug-free birth. I still feel a little pang of jealousy and failure when I hear about someone who was able to have their baby without medication. But knowing how bad labor can get, I just don't know if I can write another birth plan that says, "I don't want medication. If I ask, talk me out of it." I feel bad because everyone says it's best for the mother and the baby to not use drugs, but like I said, I know how bad labor can get. And I don't know if I can do it.

I suppose I have another 5 months or so to think about it. I shouldn't worry now.

* I know there are people who had worse labors, but I don't know them.

You've got to be kidding me

2009-12-23T19:11:00.002-06:00

On Sunday my family got together for my birthday - me, Mike, P, my parents, my grandparents, my brother, my sister, and my sister's fiance (she's newly engaged to her baby's dad). It was nice.

However, there was one conversation I walked in on between my sister and my mom (I was in the kitchen to grab a snack). My sister was hoping that her baby (hereafter known as Nephew because his name is unique and easily Google-able) would be born on or before his due date. She didn't want him born after. My mom asked why.

"Because," she said, "if he's born after March 20th he'll be an Aries. If he's born on or before March 20th he'll be a Pisces. I want him to be a Pisces."

"What does it matter?" I asked. I don't even know P's zodiac sign.

"Because," she said patiently, "according to the elements assigned to each sign of the zodiac, if he's an Aries he'll be a fire sign. I'm a Libra, which makes me an Air sign. Air and Fire don't get along."

"But you're a Libra, which means you're the scales," my mom said. "Doesn't that mean you should be balanced and like everyone?"

My sister just smiled. "No," she said. "If he's a Pisces he'll be a Water sign, and Water gets along much better with Air than Fire does. Air kind of inflames Fire. We won't get along if he's an Aries."

Really? REALLY? Now, Karen is Wiccan, and I don't pretend to understand Wiccan religion. I'm not willfully ignorant about it and I don't hold any animosity toward it, I'm just not knowledgeable. So maybe zodiac signs do play a huge part in her beliefs. But really, I call bullshit on this. No matter what zodiac sign he is, he is your son. If you don't get along you can't blame it on your incompatible signs. It's your responsibility to build a bond with him that transcends that. If you really think it's going to be a problem, this is your heads-up that you need to build a positive relationship that can withstand your differences. It's not a ready-made excuse you can whip out when the going gets tough - "Oh, I can't handle this. We're just two different signs, is all."

I also looked up elemental zodiac signs, and apparently I'm a Fire sign while P is an Air sign. And I think we're pretty compatible. So suck it up, Buttercup. Parenthood isn't easy.

On turning thirty

2009-12-20T20:07:00.002-06:00

Today I'm thirty years old.

Weird.

I guess it's weird because it seems like it should be such a big milestone, but I spent most of the day hanging out with my family, feeling nauseous, or chasing after P. It was nice, but not that exciting.

I suppose whenever you enter a new decade you take stock of your life. I've been thinking about mine, and where I thought I'd be at thirty when I was twenty-five. I think I'm ahead of where I predicted I'd be five years ago. I have a great husband, a cute kid, a second on the way. I have a good job and a house. I have three cats, a pension, and a 401K. Life isn't so bad.

I guess one thing I regret is that I feel like the big surprises in my life are over, and now my life is more just following through on what I started. I no longer think about who I might marry, or what our child will be like, or when or if I might get pregnant again. While the house we have might not be the house we grow old in, it's still a start. Life is very nice, very pleasant, and very comfortable, but not very exciting. I don't think Mike suffers from this because he's constantly picking up new hobbies and learning new things, but I'm more practical. Why should I take a pottery class? What would I do with a bunch of pieces of pottery? Why should I continue sewing? I don't really need anything sewn. Why should I learn to paint? Our walls are already filled with pictures. Why should I start training for a marathon? Do you know how hard it is to find a good baby-sitter on a weekend? Do you know how tired I am at the end of the day? Do you know how much time and attention P needs? A lot of the things I've accomplished - finding a house, finding a job, having a child - were practical, or an expected progression of my life. I don't think there are many new things left to do.

Which doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I'm looking forward to watching P and Bernamon grow up, and spending these years with Mike. I think I just need to find a way to shake things up a little.

19 month milestones

2009-12-20T20:01:00.002-06:00

I can't believe he's over a year and a half old already! He's met all of his two-year milestones with the exception of speaking in three or four word sentences.

Movement milestones

* Walks alone
* Pulls toys behind her while walking
* Carries large toy or several toys while walking
* Begins to run
* Stands on tiptoe
* Kicks a ball (recently started this - so cute!)
* Climbs onto and down from furniture unassisted
* Walks up and down stairs holding on to support

Milestones in hand and finger skills

* Scribbles spontaneously
* Turns over container to pour out contents
* Builds tower of four blocks or more
* Might use one hand more frequently than the other

Language milestones

* Points to object or picture when it’s named for him
* Recognizes names of familiar people, objects, and body parts
* Says several single words (by fifteen to eighteen months)
* Uses simple phrases (by eighteen to twenty-four months) (he uses familiar phrases such as "All done," and "Hi Dada,")
* Uses two- to four-word sentences (he's started using two word original sentences such as, "Help baba" when he wants me to get milk and "All done down" when he's finished with dinner and wants to get down from his high chair)
* Follows simple instructions
* Repeats words overheard in conversation

Cognitive milestones

* Finds objects even when hidden under two or three covers
* Begins to sort by shapes and colors
* Begins make-believe play

Social and emotional milestones

* Imitates behavior of others, especially adults and older children
* Increasingly aware of herself as separate from others
* Increasingly enthusiastic about company of other children
* Demonstrates increasing independence
* Begins to show defiant behavior
* Increasing episodes of separation anxiety toward midyear, then they fade

Feeling weird

2009-12-13T18:20:00.005-06:00

I'm in that odd spot in a pregnancy where my initial symptoms are starting to wane...I'm having much less morning sickness, my fatigue has become routine, and other symptoms are starting to disappear. But I don't feel any movement (of course, it's too early) and while I do have a slight belly it's not huge. I'm feeling less pregnant. I'm sure it's fine - I'm 11 weeks pregnant and saw a strong heartbeat on the ultrasound a few weeks ago - but I still feel relieved whenever I feel a symptom. I really need to stop Googling miscarriage rates because I keep turning up testimonials of women who had miscarriages at 10 weeks, 11 weeks, 12 weeks, or even later.

Bah.

In the meantime, taco dip is AMAZING. I'm still having food cravings and enjoying it. Food tastes amazing when you're craving it.

Baby blanket

2009-12-13T15:15:00.003-06:00

Remember how I was going to learn to sew so that I could make baby blankets for everyone I know who's having a baby? I finished my first one! It's for my sister. Mike asked me if I should make a practice blanket first, but in a way my sister's blanket was a practice blanket. I knew that once she saw the print on the material she'd overlook any irregularities in the sewing.

Here it is, modeled with a little help from our cat, Juneau.

Here's the pattern on the material. And yes, I did find it in with all the other baby-patterned flannel. She'll love it.

It turned out both better and worse than I thought it would. It's much closer to being a symmetrical rectangle than I ever thought it would be. The sides weren't crooked at all. The seams that you can see (you can't really tell, but it is two pieces of flannel sewn back-to-back) kind of wobble, but not too badly. The whole thing does have a definite amateur, made-at-home-and-not-in-a-good-way vibe, though, and I think it's because of how I sewed his name.

That was a challenge. If I had to do it again I think I'd get some removable cross-stitch material and cross-stitch it onto the blanket. Much easier to keep straight. I did this one by just writing the name and then doing a split-stitch over it. I haven't done that in about twenty years, since I was a kid, and it shows. I considered taking it off but I didn't want to because I don't think that the kid will be able to find much of anything in stores that has his name on it. And what kid doesn't like having his name on stuff? True, he's too young to know now, but if he keeps it he might appreciate it later. So I left it on.

However, the experience did teach me that I won't be an expert blanket maker anytime soon, so I don't think I'll give them as gifts. I'd feel awkward giving them to people and saying, "Hey, here's a crappy blanket! And not only do you have to use it, you have to pretend you're really into it, because I made it by hand." That's not nice. I think I'll make one for P (because he'll have the same problem finding stuff with his name on it that my nephew will) and once I find out Bernamon's gender I'll make a third one. I don't know what I'll do with the rest of the flannel - I bought enough to make seven blankets. Maybe I'll sew the rest together and give them to Goodwill. It's a shame that I'm not better at sewing because it's a really nice blanket...it's made with two layers of flannel so it's soft, sturdy, lightweight, and warm. It functions in all the ways a good blanket should. It's just not that polished.

Oh, and sewing with the machine is SO MUCH FUN. I love it. I wish I had found out how much fun it is a long time ago. So I'm going to keep sewing. My mom made us things like blankets, costumes, and clothes when we were kids (and even now...she made me some maternity tops while I was pregnant with P) and I'd like to do something like that for P and Bernamon someday. I have a long way to go, but maybe I could make P a quilt or something by the time he heads off to college.

The Name Game

2009-12-06T16:29:00.002-06:00

In my last entry Kathy asked why we call our baby Bernamon. It's actually a combination of the two names we've picked out, Bernadette and Solomon. Since we don't know if the kid's a boy or a girl yet, we use a mash-up of the two names to refer to him. Bernadette + Solomon = Bernamon.

If it's a girl, we'll call her Bernadette, and her short, everyday name will be Etta. If it's a boy, he'll be Solomon, and his short name will be Ollie. Several people have mentioned that they don't know how we got Etta out of Bernadette and Ollie out of Solomon, but I think it's as much of (if not less of) a reach as getting Chuck out of Charles, or Rusty out of Russell, or Mickey out of Michael. Not to mention getting Peggy out of Margaret*. I have no idea how people justify that. Anyway, if you still don't get it, look at the way I bolded some letters in the two names. That's where we got it.

Anyway, I wasn't crazy about the name Bernadette. It was Mike's idea because he actually liked the name Etta and tried to find a saint's name that would shorten to Etta. Before we decided on Bernadette I did some research and she's actually a really neat saint with a incorrupt body, which means it hasn't decomposed. Click the link for pictures. It's amazing. I was initially crazy about the name Solomon either but it's grown on me.

So that's the story of why we call the baby Bernamon.

* People don't believe me that Peggy is short for Margaret. It's true. Google it.

Baby Shower

2009-12-05T12:17:00.004-06:00

My sister's pregnancy is progressing well, and she's due at the end of March. The other day we were talking about her baby shower.

"Do you think Mom will have it in January?" Karen asked me.

"Probably February," I said. "I think Mom had mine in April and I was due in May."

"But I want her to have it in January," Karen said, "right after the holidays."

"Why so early?" I asked.

"In case I don't get everything I want," she said. "I don't want to be scrounging for money at the last minute to get them."

She really is worried. And, on one hand, I would be too. She works as a CNA and her boyfriend is on SSI. They don't have a lot of money to get things so she probably is counting on getting a lot at the shower. But on the other hand, she isn't being smart about her registry. She's planning on asking for a lot of expensive stuff. You'd think that she'd be looking for values if she knows she can't afford to buy things herself and needs to maximize what people will get her at the shower, but nope.

She eventually said that the only things she really needs are a place for the kid to ride and a place for him to sleep. And I told her that if she doesn't get a car seat and a crib at the shower she can borrow our infant seat and Pack-n-Play until she can afford one of her own, or at least until Bernamon* is born. She didn't seem terribly enthused.

Mike and I got a lot of stuff at our shower, but we also were prepared to provide for the kid ourselves. The $250 Karen recently spent on a new camera could have bought a new crib, or a car seat with money to spare to put toward a second. But if she finds herself ready to deliver and having to borrow our stuff she won't blame herself - she'll blame my mom for her poor planning of the shower, or my family for not shelling out enough.

She has a sense of entitlement that irritates me. She expects the state and our family to provide a lot for this baby. I just hope that she realizes soon that most of the burden will fall on her shoulders.

* We refer to our baby-in-process as Bernamon.

Last Night

2009-12-01T21:07:00.001-06:00

Last night I woke up to hear Mike saying, "Chugga-chugga. Chugga-chugga."

"Mike," I said, "are you awake?"

"Sort of," he replied.

"Are you aware that you were just saying, 'chugga-chugga?'" I asked.

He paused. "Yes."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because," he said, "I was thinking about trains."

I laughed and went back to sleep.

This morning he didn't remember a thing. He has been talking in his sleep. I admire the way he was so calmly logical, even in his sleep.

I kept a secret!

2009-12-01T12:47:00.003-06:00

Remember back a few months ago when I said I had a secret? I did! And I kept it all these weeks! Hooray for me!

As far as for what it was...well...

Yep. Today was my first appointment with the OB. I was nervous beforehand - shaking. I felt like P's conception and birth was so amazing that lightning couldn't strike twice - how could we be so lucky as to wind up with another happy, healthy baby? But the ultrasound showed a healthy baby with a strong heartbeat, so I guess we are going to be that lucky again. Apparently I'm 9 weeks pregnant today, and due on July 6th. I'm thrilled. Nauseous, but thrilled.

18 Month Milestones

2009-11-28T18:47:00.002-06:00

Movement milestones

* Walks alone
* Pulls toys behind her while walking
* Carries large toy or several toys while walking
* Begins to run
* Stands on tiptoe
* Kicks a ball (he throws a ball sideways and overhand, but still struggles with kicking it straight)
* Climbs onto and down from furniture unassisted
* Walks up and down stairs holding on to support

Milestones in hand and finger skills

* Scribbles spontaneously
* Turns over container to pour out contents
* Builds tower of four blocks or more
* Might use one hand more frequently than the other

Language milestones

* Points to object or picture when it’s named for him
* Recognizes names of familiar people, objects, and body parts
* Says several single words (by fifteen to eighteen months)
* Uses simple phrases (by eighteen to twenty-four months) (has said “Hi kitty!” "All done!" and "Hi Dada" but that’s all)
* Uses two- to four-word sentences
* Follows simple instructions
* Repeats words overheard in conversation

Cognitive milestones

* Finds objects even when hidden under two or three covers
* Begins to sort by shapes and colors (currently sorts by colors or type of object – puts books with books, blocks with blocks, etc)
* Begins make-believe play

Social and emotional milestones

* Imitates behavior of others, especially adults and older children
* Increasingly aware of herself as separate from others
* Increasingly enthusiastic about company of other children
* Demonstrates increasing independence
* Begins to show defiant behavior
* Increasing episodes of separation anxiety toward midyear, then they fade

I've stopped recording P's words because at this point it's hard to tell which are words he knows, and which are words he's experimenting with. His receptive vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds, but he doesn't express as much. I think he's still slightly ahead of average, though.

Ugh...

2009-11-22T15:20:00.002-06:00

I've been so sick lately. Luckily Mike has really stepped up this weekend and taken over most of the child care and house cleaning responsibilities. He and Little P were playing a game that involved Mike putting P and a bunch of stuffed animals in a laundry basket and pushing them around making train noises. P liked it so much that afterward he dumped a bunch of animals in the basket and sat with them making "Vooom!" noises.

Cute!

The kid really needs a haircut but I'm dreading taking him to get one because he hates small engine noises, like clippers. He doesn't bat an eye when a fire engine comes screaming down the street with sirens blaring and lights on, but when Mike turns on his beard trimmer, P freaks out. Maybe I'll try giving him a trim while he's asleep.